Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Getting to Know Me
Today I would like to tell you a little bit about me. I feel it's important for you to know who is writing to you and sharing her experiences.
I am a 42 year old housewife, mom, and homeschooling teacher. I am saved by grace through faith in my Lord Jesus Christ. I make many mistakes and it hasn't always been easy for me to accept that fact. I use to carry a lot of guilt and condemnation. I wore it like a chain around my neck. It caused me to have severe panic attacks and migraines. It wasn't until recently that I decided to let go and forgive myself just as Christ had forgiven me.
In 1993, I married my high school sweetheart. By 1996, we had 3 little ones to care for. As a young mom who wasn't close to the Lord, I felt like a complete and utter failure. Probably because I was. I didn't know how to deal with 3 kids under the age of 4. My husband worked long hours and I was home alone with these rambunctious kiddos. I wasn't a good mom. I mean I fed the kids and I did what I was suppose to physically for them, but emotionally, I was not there for them. I was just a child myself. I didn't realize how hard this would be. I would love to be able to relive those years and know what I know now.
In 1999, I rededicated my life to the Lord. I still had a lot to learn about being wife and mom, but now I had the Lord to help guide me. By February 2000, we had another baby. This time was different. I felt like I was more ready to be his mama. The only problem now was the guilt I was carrying from not being the mom my first 3 deserved from the start. At this point they were 6, 5, and 4. They were very ornery children and I still was learning how to parent. I was a work in progress, but things were not progressing fast enough for me to know how to handle situations that occurred. I still had days that I screamed and yelled at them. I just didn't know how else to do it. That is all I knew. It was hard to change. I cried myself to sleep many nights knowing I was not doing it "right".
As years went by I did get better at the mom thing. We had 2 more children by 2007. That made me a mom of 6. I started reading books and reading other stories of how moms dealt with things. It was getting better, but I knew I had already done damage to my precious older 3. I tried and tried to "fix"things but I couldn't undo the way they felt from being parented with anger instead of love. I knew they saw that my parenting was different for the younger 3. I was more kind, more understanding, and had more patience. It is only natural for them to be resentful. They got the worst of mom as small kiddos while these 3 were getting the best of mom. The mom who had learned how to be more loving and gentle. It's not something that is easily remedied. The fact that they grew up in just a blink of an eye didn't help. Before I knew it they were adults and I was out of time to show them that mom really loved them and was so sorry for being a rotten mom for all those years. I have apologized, but I know it takes time for healing and restoration. It will be a work in progress until I am called home or Jesus returns.
You are probably thinking.... why should I listen to anything this woman has to say? Well, I am not sure why you should either except that the Lord has changed my heart. He has shown me the error of my ways and He has brought me here for such a time as this. I know many young moms who are struggling. I know many who don't know where to turn because they feel guilty about not being the godly mom and wife they should be. I want to love on those mamas along with the ones who are right where I am now. I want to share my heart and my life with you. I want to give you some great ways to help train your kiddos in godly character. I know God has a good plan for all of us. He can use our weakness to show His awesome strength. He can bring us up and out. He can restore. He can teach you to be who He made you to be!!!!!
So, if you are ready to learn and ready to "GET REAL" please come and read my blog daily. I promise to be open, honest, and real with you. We will have some great learning experiences together. Are you ready????